


how to be a heartbreaker

by whoredan



Category: Original Work
Genre: NONE OF THESE CHAPTERS ALIGN WITH EACH OTHER, The Supernatural, Wendigo, if you dont know anything about adri or eli you'll probably never understand this whoops, nb adrian, unless i say they do ofc, wowie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-11-03 03:44:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10958946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whoredan/pseuds/whoredan
Summary: literally just a writing dump so i can have smth to link my friend to when i write stupid oneshots for our characters





	1. you wouldn't understand.

Adrian hadn’t had a proper meal in a week. The morgue was closed, it was 4 AM on a _Monday,_  for God’s sake, and the public transportation was just opening for the day, meaning that there would be that annoying amount of people that isn’t _exactly_ a crowd, but there are still too many people to lure one away.

 

To say Adrian felt inconvenienced was an understatement. Still, they decided to leave the comfort of their house in hopes of finding a lone pedestrian or literally _anyone_ who seemed stupid enough to be out alone at this time.

 

Fortunately, luck was on Adrian’s side today. Just in the distance, they could see someone walking the opposite direction as them. Perfect. Adrian adjusted the textbooks and notebooks they held, preparing for their only luring tactic that actually worked-

 

They purposely bumped into the guy, dropping all of the things they held at the same time. As they knelt down to pick them up, the guy spoke.

 

“Oh my god, I am so sorry- here,” he said, picking up a textbook that had fallen closer to him and handing it to Adrian.

 

Adrian let their voice slip into its natural sound instead of its usual annoyed tone.

 

“I- Oh, thank you, it’s okay,” they said, forcing a soft smile.

 

“No, no, really, let me make it up to you. I’ll.. buy you coffee or something. You look kind of tired.”

 

_Thanks for pointing it out, dude._

 

Despite their thought, Adrian nodded, still smiling. “In that case, I know a nice place nearby. Follow me.”

 

The guy followed, and Adrian suppressed the urge to laugh. This dude is falling right into their hands! Who would’ve thought this’d be this easy?

 

The guy officially introduced himself as David. Adrian didn’t really care to learn their next meal’s name, but they had to hold out until they could get to a place where they wouldn’t be seen.

 

“So, where is this place?” David asked.

 

“On the corner of 4th and Fremont,” Adrian said, pulling the street names out of the depths of their mind.

 

To their luck, the guy nodded and continued walking. _Must be new._

 

“What’s your name? I didn’t quite catch it.”

 

Adrian swallowed the words that threatened to escape (“I didn’t throw it.”), responding with a fake name he usually used. “Ren.”

 

Eventually (because let’s just skip the boring dialogue), Adrian found a nice hidden spot between buildings, turning there.

 

“Shortcut,” they said shortly.

 

David hesitantly followed, oblivious right up until Adrian stopped and then moved so they were walking behind him.

 

David laughed nervously. “Hey, uh, you sure about that shortcut? Cause this looks an awful lot like a dead end to m-”

 

Adrian had him pressed against the wall in half a second, their hand holding him up. They pulled a knife out of seemingly nowhere, sliding the not-sharp edge against the man’s neck.

 

“Yeah, sorry, no coffee shop for you.”

 

They were just about to cut in when a voice interrupted them.

 

“Yeah, no. Not happening.”

 

Adrian sighed. _Elijah._ They turned, still holding David up against the wall. “I’m starving, kid. Can you maybe, I dunno, _not?_ ” Their voice had returned to its usual sarcastic, annoyed state.

 

“And let you kill some guy? I don’t think so,” Elijah said simply.

 

“What makes you think you’re going to stop me?” Adrian raises an eyebrow.

 

“The fact that if you don’t, I’ll put this through your neck,” Elijah shrugged, revealing the base of a stake in his jacket.

 

The wendigo sighed again, seeming much more annoyed than usual. They let go of David, who wasted zero time in sprinting the hell out of there.

 

 _“You-”_ Adrian pointed their knife at Elijah. Their voice held an angry tone. “Just cost me my first proper meal in a _week.”_

 

“Which would’ve cost that innocent guy his _life.”_

 

“He was dumb, anyway! Played right into the entire plan! So what if some rando gets eaten? I doubt he’d care after he’s dead,” Adrian said.

 

“No, but I’m sure his _family_ would care? And friends?” Elijah’s voice slowly raised.

 

“Why do _you_ care? You don’t even know him!”

 

“Because I’d rather not see _another_ person eaten by one of you, whether I know them or n-” Elijah stopped and sighed quietly. “You wouldn’t understand that feeling, anyway.”

 

“I-” Adrian stopped, their face twisting into a mixture of hurt, rage, and surprise. “What the fuck do you _mean,_ I _wouldn’t understand?!”_ They yelled after a long pause.

 

“I _mean,”_ Elijah yelled right back, “That you couldn’t even _possibly_ understand _caring_ about someone enough that you wouldn’t want them to get eaten!”

 

Elijah was acting on impulse, Adrian could see. They doubted that the human was thinking about anything other than his, well.. rocky past with Adrian’s species.

 

“You- I can’t even _believe_ you right now,” Adrian said, their voice going from an angry shout to dangerously quiet. “The whole reason I’m not _caring_ like your kind is _because_ of one of my own. Don’t you _dare_ tell me that I can’t _possibly_ understand anything you’re thinking, because I went through the _exact same fucking thing._ I got to _watch_ as my own brother ripped the only person I ever cared about into pieces- or don’t you remember? No, of course you wouldn’t. You’re too busy caring about some random kid. I don’t care about a fucking _stranger_ because I didn’t even know him for half an hour. The most I cared about him was caring that I could actually- you know- _not pass out this week?_ And possibly live to see another?”

 

“I-” Elijah was cut off by Adrian pressing the tip of the knife against his chest.

 

“ _No._ You don’t _get_ to say anything, after robbing me of my food source and continuing to be a complete insensitive _asshole._ ”

 

“Coming from Complete Insensitive Asshole of the Year, I don’t think that’s saying much,” Elijah shot back.

 

“You-” Adrian started again, before sighing and returning their knife to a small pocket sewn into the side of their jeans. “You’re impossible.”

 

They walked back towards the sidewalk.

 

“Follow me, and I promise, I’ll cut out your intestines and feed them to you,” they called over their shoulder.


	2. im sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING DEATH AND VIOLENCE AND SHIT

Adrian really hated that people kept getting in the way of them getting a good meal.

 

Of course, the workers at the morgue weren’t the problem, it was mostly owned by wendigos anyways. No, it was the people outside that kept bugging them.  _ Hey, I’m trying to get somewhere private so I can consume this dead body. Maybe leave me alone? _

 

Yeah, not the best plan of action for that one.

 

Finally, though, the people on the street stopped asking them questions, and Adrian got to a parking lot behind some old, abandoned building that they could use. What, you thought they’d bring it  _ home? _ Ew. Who wants blood all over their carpet?

 

They tore into flesh, a soft ripping sound coming as the body’s muscle separated from the bone. The guy didn’t taste that great, but Adrian let it slide, because they were  _ hungry. _ They almost sympathized for what this guy would feel if he was still alive. Almost. Not really. Like a grain of salt’s worth of sympathy.

 

And of course, another interruption!

 

A few footsteps. Adrian looked up, seeing some sort of tall figure. It was dark, can you blame them for not being able to see this person?

 

Whatever the person was holding immediately dropped from their hand and they took a few steps back. 

 

Adrian sighed. “I suggest you beat it unless you want to become dessert.”

 

“I don’t think so,” Elijah said.

 

_ Of fucking course. _

 

“Can you, maybe, I don’t know,  _ stop keeping me from my meals? _ I didn’t even kill this one, chill,” Adrian says, an I-don’t-care air about them.

 

“It’s the principle of the thing,” he says, picking up the object he dropped and taking a few steps forward. The object seemed sharp. “Unless you  _ want _ to be a kebab today.”

 

“Fine, you want to bring weapons into this?” Adrian said, pulling their gun out of their bag and aiming. “Take another step and I shoot.”

 

Adrian was glad that the alley was dark. They didn’t know what would happen if the younger male could see the watery shine in their eyes. They didn’t  _ want _ to shoot him. But, as Mother always said, self-preservation comes before anything. 

 

They prayed, they hoped Elijah would heed his warning and just  _ leave _ . They wished it could be that simple for once.  _ Please, let the kid have some sense. Let it be this easy, just today. _

 

Of course, just as Adrian knew, it was not that easy. It would never be that easy.

 

Elijah took another step, holding the weapon in front of him.

 

Adrian aimed again, their hands shaking ever so slightly. They looked away, biting down on the inside of their cheek until they tasted blood.

 

Another step. “What, are you-”

 

_ Fire. _

 

The bullet entered into the human’s skull. He died instantly. Most likely, the bullet ended up ricocheting around in his brain, and that’s what did it. Just Adrian’s luck. 

 

_ It’s better than the alternative, _ they told themself as the tears that had built up threatened to spill.

 

_ Was it really? _ the more emotional side of them asked.

 

Adrian broke down. They threw their gun to the side. They stood and punched the wall of the building until their knuckles were bleeding and bruised.

 

_ This is what happens when you care about people, _ said a raspy voice in the back of their head.  _ Eventually, they’ll all betray you. Eventually, they’ll all die. This is why you never let down your walls. Idiot. _

 

Adrian looked over at the two corpses on the floor. 

 

_ I’m sorry. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry


	3. enemies and blood and embarrassment (oh my!)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a trainwreck and im tired excuse my shitty writing

On February 21, 2015, Seung Chai died. A man named Lawrence killed him. Another man, by the name of Michael DeNiro, gave Lawrence this idea. Adrian, Lawrence’s brother and Seung’s lover, did not take kindly to that. Lawrence is now dead. Michael is not. The events that are about to be told took place three years later. February 21, 2018. Now that you’ve been hit with that information, let’s get on with this, shall we?

 

\--

 

Adrian sat in front of Seung’s grave, a couple papers clutched in one of their hands. They pulled up the vase in the ground and added the new note to the rest there. One every month, for three years. 36 by now.

 

“When are you going to just _let go?_ ” asked a voice behind them.

 

Adrian stood and turned, finding themself face-to-face (or, face to chest) with someone very, _very_ familiar.

 

“Michael,” Adrian said quietly, taking a step away from him.

 

Michael laughed. “Miss me?”

 

“Not really. Sorry to disappoint.”

 

“Oh, don’t worry. I didn’t either,” Michael grinned. “How’s the freak doing? Still dead, I see.”

 

“He has a name,” Adrian said, a hint of anger seeping into their voice.

 

“Well, he’s six feet under. I doubt _the freak_ cares,” Michael said, pacing around Seung’s tombstone. “I don’t even understand why you visit him anymore.”

 

“Well, I mean, I wouldn’t have to visit him if you hadn’t planted the idea in my brother’s head that he had to _kill_ him, but hey. Technicalities, right?” Adrian’s eyes followed Michael.

 

“Ah, who cares?” Michael shrugged. “The freak deserved to die anyway.”

 

In a split second, Adrian had Michael pinned to the ground, their forearm pressed against his windpipe.

 

“You’d better watch your tongue, or soon, you’ll find you won’t _have_ a tongue to watch, _kid,”_ they spat at him.

 

“Oh, I’m _so_ scared,” Michael said, his voice raspy from his windpipe slowly being pressed closed.

 

“You should be,” Adrian said quietly, pressing harder.

 

Adrian made the mistake of leaning his face closer to Michael’s, and gave Michael the opportunity to - very roughly - bring his head up to hit Adrian’s.

 

Michael took that opportunity.

 

Adrian was pushed off him, bringing a hand to their head to check for blood. There was none, so they stood, looking up at Michael, who had already done the same.

 

“Oh, I do just love a struggle. Makes it all worth the while at the end! I’ll enjoy ripping out your intestines,” Adrian grinned maniacally.

 

They introduced their fist to Michael’s jaw. Michael bent over slightly. Mistake one. Adrian kneed them in the stomach, causing him to fully drop to the ground.

 

“See, that’s the thing about humans,” Adrian said, gripping the hair on the back of Michael’s head and forcing him to look up at them. “So, so fragile.”

 

“How’s this for _fragile,_ bitch?” Michael said, hitting Adrian as hard as he could in the chest.

 

They were pushed away from Michael yet again, doubled over because _that’s where their lungs are, dumbass._

 

“See, that’s the thing about entitled pricks,” Michael said in the same tone as Adrian’s earlier comment, punching them in the face the minute they looked up. “So,” Punch. “so,” Kick. _“Fragile.”_

 

“God, you’re bitter,” Adrian said, managing to _laugh_ while simultaneously in pain, lying on the floor and barely recovering their lost breath.

 

“No, I’m Michael,” Michael said, laughing right back. “And I’m also... “

 

Adrian felt a blade gently trail along their jawline.

 

“Looking forward to finishing what I started.”

 

Michael cut into Adrian’s cheek, drawing blood. Adrian didn’t even flinch.

 

He made another cut. And another. And another. And each and every time, he got zero reaction out of Adrian. It was obvious that Michael disliked this.

 

“What, not even gonna say anything? Stop pretending,” he said angrily. “No human could withstand that without even batting an eye.”

 

“I’m not human, remember?” Adrian grinned, forcing their leg out from underneath Michael’s own before he brought his knee up and hit him in the crotch.

 

“I’ll be taking this,” Adrian plucked the knife out of Michael’s hands. “I do love a good souvenir.”

 

The knife retreated into Adrian’s pocket, and Adrian took great joy in kicking a man while he’s down.

 

Eventually, after lots of bruising, Michael got the idea to grab Adrian’s leg, pulling them down to his level. He got back onto the wendigo, putting a hand around their neck and squeezing, throwing more punches into their face.

 

After around half a minute, Adrian grew tired with being unable to breathe. They grabbed Michael’s wrist, tightening their grip around it with every passing second.

 

Michael hissed, letting go of Adrian’s neck. Adrian, in turn, let go of Michael’s wrist.

 

“I’m bored now,” Adrian said, pulling out Michael’s knife and running the blade on his own index finger. They pushed Michael to the ground again and pressed their foot into his chest. “Beat it, and never come back.”

 

“And what if I don’t?” Michael said, like an idiot.

 

“I’ll cut out your organs one by one and watch as you bleed out, that’s what,” Adrian threatened, taking their foot off of Michael’s chest. “Now go.”

 

Needless to say, Michael ran.

 

Adrian shrugged, pocketing the knife again. They ran their tongue across their bottom lip and tasted blood. _Oh, yeah, that’s the stinging feeling coming from my face._

 

And what was their first thought after remembering they were bruised and cut up? No, not anything sensible, like _I should go home and get these cleaned up._ Of course not. Their first thought, word for word, was:  
  
_Wow, I need a drink._

 

They failed to remember that the last person they’d want to see in this state works at the bar.

 

\--

 

Adrian walked through the doors of Whiteridge Coast’s bar, getting a couple odd looks from customers but ignoring them.

 

Coincidentally, just as Adrian walked in, Elijah Hastings walked out from a back room, tying his apron around his waist.

 

Elijah noticed them. Adrian turned, heading back towards the door until a hand grabbing their wrist and pulling them in the opposite direction stopped them.

 

“You’re not just going to walk in here looking like you just fought a grizzly bear and then walk right back out,” Elijah said, pulling Adrian to the lower level, where, surprisingly, no one else sat. “Sit.”

 

Adrian sat at a table near the bar, sighing. This was the last thing they wanted to happen. Yay for bad luck.

 

“If that happened because you wanted food, I have no sympathy. But, if that wasn’t how this happened,” Elijah draws a circle in the air around Adrian’s face. “then, _hypothetically,_ who did this, so I can _hypothetically_ knock their lights out.”

 

“Okay, one, I may be a murderer, but not everything I do is for food. And, two, no. I am not telling you who this person is. They’re probably more of a psychopath than I am,” Adrian said stubbornly.

 

“I get that you’ve been trained to kill since birth and all that, but, _hypothetically,_ what favors would I have to owe you for you to tell me?” Elijah said, getting a first aid kit from under the bar and returning with it.

 

“ _No._ Nothing. And if anything in that hellbox comes near me, I’ll scream,” Adrian says, standing and pointing at the first aid kit.

 

See, the thing about Adrian is, they are _a stubborn piece of shit._ They hate looking weak, and that includes letting anyone fight their battles or care for them in any way. Tending to wounds is one of those ways.

 

“If you scream, I’ll just shove a sock in your mouth. And by a sock, I mean my fist, and by your mouth, I mean your temple, so sit the fuck down, Adri,” Elijah said, his voice stern, but not angry. More.. concerned? This confused Adrian.

 

They knew that Elijah really wouldn’t hesitate to knock them out, so they very reluctantly sat back down in the chair, muttering profanities while doing so. “Fine.”

 

Elijah walks away momentarily, taking a cloth and putting it under water from the sink, then squeezing it out and returning. “It feels nice to have you submit to me,” he said cheekily, wiping the blood off of Adrian’s face.

 

“I-” Adrian paused, their ears reddening slightly. “Never, ever, ever say that again. _Ever.”_

 

“Since when were you the one giving orders?” Elijah asked quietly, continuing with the comments because he knew Adrian didn’t want him to.

 

 _Since when were_ you?

 

Adrian did not voice this thought. “You’re a horrible person. I hope you know this,” they said instead.

 

“Ah, yes, the horrible person currently tending to your wounds. Trying to turn the tables, are we?” Elijah gloated. “This is going to sting a bit.”

 

Adrian hissed, another cloth touching the cuts on their face. The cloth was doused in rubbing alcohol.

 

_Oh, sure, don’t even flinch when someone is cutting into your face but show pain when someone else puts rubbing alcohol on the cuts. Yeah, that’s great._

 

“Told you,” Elijah said.

 

“I have never despised you more than in this moment, right now,” they muttered, the red slowly creeping into their face despite them trying to will it away. Exhaustion’s a bitch.

 

“Hm. Really?” Elijah said, leaning in so that his and Adrian’s faces are mere inches apart. He scanned over the wendigo’s face, noticing the change in color. “Ooh, see.. I think I do see a bit of blush there,” he said, looking Adrian directly in the eyes.

 

Adrian held Elijah’s gaze. “Do you, now?” They asked, tilting their head. “I’m afraid there’s nothing there.”

 

_Ah, yes, nothing like blatant denial when someone’s staring you right in the face._

 

“No, no… I definitely see something there,” Elijah insists, walking around Adrian’s chair and resting his hands on the back of it.

 

Adrian kept their eyes trained straight ahead of them. Their mind was screaming louder and louder with every second passing, but hey, it’s easy to ignore when it happens 24/7. “I’m afraid your eyes were playing tricks on you,” they counter.

 

“Nope, I know what I saw,” Elijah said, his breath hitting the back of their neck.

 

Their shoulder twitched slightly. Adrian greatly disliked the feeling of anything on their neck, and that included the breath of people trying to embarrass them. “Mhm. Whatever you say, kid.”

 

“Huh.. you’re a tough one,” Elijah said. Adrian could still feel his breath. “Don’t worry, I’ll break through that stone-cold, emotionless wall eventually.”

 

Adrian’s shoulders tense, resisting the urge to snap them up and defend their neck. “You sure about that?”

 

“Positive.”

 

\--

 

Adrian walked into their house, closing the door behind them with a very loud sigh of relief.

 

“Hey, God! You wanna tell me why you keep playing me like this?” They yelled to their ceiling.

 

They got no answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im not even sorry


	4. when i close my eyes, i still see your ghost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> half angst, half smth else idk

_ Day nine of no sleep. _

 

Adrian scribbled the words into their notebook angrily. Nine. Days. 216 hours. That's a lot of time to go without sleep, especially if the reason is because you're  _ afraid to. _

 

_ Nightmare list: _

 

  * __FEBRUARY 21__


  * _seung._


  * _gun. human. death. not fun._



 

 

The list kept growing. To translate: the day Seung died, Seung turning against Adrian and criticising them, and murdering Elijah. The last one kept weighing on Adrian, even though they  _ never even killed Elijah. _

 

Of course, Elijah knew about this dream. How could he not? Adrian’s not exactly the best at hiding things from him, to put it simply. Adrian could probably explain their quote-unquote “reasoning” behind that, but let’s be honest. We’re not here for that, are we?

 

Adrian flipped through multiple pages of their notebook, most unreadable, before arriving at a blank one and completely ruining it by scribbling (and this time,  _ legitimate _ scribbling) all over the page. They snapped the pencil in one hand and took off their glasses, letting their head hit their desk with a  _ bang. _

 

_ To scream or not to scream? _

 

Adrian decided that at 3 AM, that might not be something their neighbors would take kindly to. 

 

_ I should at least lie down before someone files a noise complaint. _

 

They laughed to themselves at that one.  _ Uh huh, sure. No, thanks.  _ They spent the rest of the night blankly staring at the scribbled-on page. Yes, three entire hours before they stood, pocketed their notebook, and left the house.

 

This isn’t going to end well for Adrian’s health. We all know this. 

 

\--

 

Adrian sat under some random tree in the forest, their head resting on their raised knee. Their music played loudly from both earphones, not that they really cared if anyone could hear it.

 

After about half an hour, someone pulled an earphone out of their ear. 

 

“You’re going to go deaf. I can hear your music clearly. Panic! At the Disco, really? I mean, I knew you were  _ emo, _ but…” Elijah said.

 

Adrian pulled out the other earphone, letting it drop to the floor. They sighed, looking up at Elijah.

 

Okay, no, more like  _ glaring. _

 

Elijah took a couple steps back. “Please tell me that’s makeup. That’s just  _ slightly _ terrifying.”

 

Adrian assumed he meant the very,  _ very _ dark bags under their eyes. 

 

They put on the most fake smile they could muster. “I haven’t slept in nine days!” they said ‘cheerily.’

 

“Dude. I’m going to knock you out, you  _ need sleep, _ ” Elijah threatened in his own way of caring.

 

“No!” Adrian said, keeping up the cheery voice and grin.

 

Their music still played loudly.

 

_ This is the scent of dead skin on a linoleum floor _

_ This is the scent of quarantine wings in a hospital _

_ It’s not so pleasant and it’s not so conventional _

_ It sure as hell ain’t normal but we deal, we deal _

 

\--

 

_ Some time later. How do you expect me to know? I’m just the recorder, I wasn’t there. _

 

Adrian was  _ really not okay _ . But, like the stubborn piece of shit they were, whenever they stumbled or found themselves spacing out, they denied it even happened.

 

Elijah doubted if Adrian was even mentally present. They probably weren’t( _ spoiler alert: they’re not _ ).

 

At some point, Adrian seemed like they were seriously just going to fall over right then and there. They probably would have, if Elijah hadn’t pushed them back the other way to prevent that.

 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Elijah asked, knowing Adrian would just say they were.

 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m perfectly fine,” Adrian muttered quietly before  _ passing out. _

 

\--

 

When Adrian woke up, they didn’t know where they were. They tried to search their brain for what had happened, but came up with absolutely nothing. They remembered scribbling in their notebook page, and then suddenly, they were here. Wherever  _ here _ is. Someone else’s house.  _ Someone else’s bed. _

 

Adrian looked around the room for a sign as to who's house this was. They spotted a trophy on a low shelf.

 

_ Victory!  _

 

They got off of the bed, picking up the trophy and turning it around to display the side with the plaque. At first, they were just wondering why it was facing inwards instead of out, but that train of thought derailed completely when they saw the name on it.

 

_ Elijah Hastings, Grade 10 _

_ Athletics Award _

 

_ Oh.  _

 

Adrian nearly dropped the trophy before realizing  _ hey, dumbass, don’t drop things that don’t belong to you, _ and setting it back on the shelf how he’d found it.

 

They looked at the bed they had just gotten off of.

 

_ OH. WAIT- _

 

They were just.. sleeping? In.. Elijah’s bed. Not weird at all.  _ What happened? _

 

Adrian paced back and forth across the empty section of floor before the bedroom door opened. They immediately turned and almost yelled.

 

“What  _ happened?” _ they asked, genuine confusion in their voice.

 

“You.. passed out. I didn’t know what the hell to  _ do.” _

 

“So nothing happened,” Adrian says, needing reassurance.

 

“No, nothing-” Elijah realizes what Adrian meant.  _ “No, nothing happened!” _

 

Adrian sat on the floor, resting their forehead in their hands.  _ “Good.” _

 

“Anyways,” Elijah detours from that subject. “You were barely out for half an hour. And that’s not nearly enough to cover for 216 hours. So you’re going back to sleep.”

 

“Yeah, no I’m not,” Adrian insists.

 

“It’s either I knock you out or I don’t let you out until you get at least another hour in,” Elijah shrugged.

 

“Okay, one, that could be considered  _ illegal-” _

 

“What’re you gonna do, call the cops?” Elijah asked, raising an eyebrow.

 

“Fair point,” Adrian said. “Fine. Just.. Not with anyone in the room.”

 

Elijah didn’t question it, and backed out of the room. He was about to close the door when Adrian interrupted that action. 

 

“Oh, yeah, and.. If I start, well, saying things, don’t try to wake me up. It won’t work.”

 

Elijah’s eyebrows drew together in confusion, but he nodded, closing the door the rest of the way.

 

Adrian looked back at the bed. 

 

_ Like hell I’m sleeping in that. No thank you. _

 

They settled for stealing a pillow off said bed and laying on the floor. After a bit of staring at the ceiling, they somehow  _ (cough, through sheer exhaustion)  _ ended up falling asleep.

 

\--

 

_ Adrian was not where they were before. They were on a street they’d seen billions upon billions of times, checking a text they’d checked billions upon billions of time. _

 

_ From: tea ♡ _

 

_ Come over !!  _

 

_ Their hands moved on their own, typing out a reply as a small laugh escaped them. _

 

_ To: tea ♡ _

 

_ is there a reason for this? you seem excited _

 

_ From: tea ♡ _

 

_ Do I need a reason ? Just come overrrrr _

 

_ To: tea ♡ _

 

_ you got me, haha. i’ll be there in 10 _

 

_ In their mind, Adrian knew this was not Seung writing those texts. But they also knew they couldn’t control how this dream went, no matter what. They began walking in the direction of Seung’s house. _

 

_ Even though they’d had this dream so many times, it startled him every time he arrived at Seung’s house to see the bright flowers his mother had planted there. Since Adrian started living there, they hadn’t had a chance to replant them.  _

 

_ Their body opened the door against their mind’s will. Adrian knew what they would see, what they’d seen every time they fell asleep for three years. _

 

_ Seung’s parents, dead on the floor. Blood trailed all the way into the kitchen, where Lawrence was ripping into Seung’s barely alive form. _

 

Barely _ alive. _

 

_ Every time they had this dream, it angered them. He couldn’t have just killed Seung before ripping him to pieces. No. He had to keep him alive through every excruciating moment.  _

 

_ Adrian wished they could move, speak, or do  _ anything  _ at all, but they couldn’t. They were forced to stand there, speechless, immobile, as they watched their brother tear the only person they’d ever loved into pieces. _

 

_ Again. _

 

_ And they knew what would happen when that was over. _

 

_ The house disappeared. Lawrence disappeared. The only thing left was Adrian and Seung’s dead body.  _

 

_ Until it wasn’t dead. _

 

_ It reformed, creating a broken, twisted version of Seung. The corpse smiled at Adrian, the same sad smile that Seung would make whenever he knew Adrian was lying to him. _

 

_ And the words he spoke crushed Adrian’s heart all over again. _

 

_ “Pathetic,” Seung whispered. “You can’t do anything right, can you? The only thing you know how to do is destroy. The only thing you can do is break whatever you touch. You couldn’t even keep me, an innocent human, alive.” _

 

_ Adrian was able to speak again.  _

 

_ “Stop reminding me of this,” they said quietly. “I don’t need to be reminded of this! I ALREADY KNOW!” _

 

_ “I hope you know how much I hate you for this,” Seung spat harshly before disappearing. _

 

\--

 

Elijah had looked into the room momentarily. He saw that Adrian had genuinely fallen asleep and sighed in relief, closing the door.

 

The minute he did so, Adrian started screaming. 

 

“Stop reminding me of this,” they said, their voice starting off quiet and growing into a yell. “I don’t need to be reminded of this!  _ I ALREADY KNOW!” _

 

Elijah sat against the door, wondering if he should go against Adrian’s earlier warning and just try to wake him up.

 

\--

 

_ Suddenly, Adrian was back in Whiteridge. Behind an old, abandoned building, tearing into the flesh of some random person they’d taken from the morgue. _

 

_ Elijah appeared, as he always did. Threatened to kill Adrian.  _

 

_ If Adrian had the choice, they’d have let him. _

 

_ Instead, they said, “Fine. You want to bring weapons into this?”, pulled a gun out of their bag, and continued with, “Take another step and I shoot.” _

 

_ It took all of their strength not to sob right then and there, even with the dream controlling them. _

 

_ Elijah didn’t heed Adrian’s warning. He took another step. Adrian looked away, aiming again, and bit their cheek until they could taste blood. It distracted from the pain of what they were doing. _

 

_ The human laughed. “What, are you a-” _

 

_ Adrian fired. _

 

_ Elijah died. _

 

_ Adrian broke. _

 

_ Again. _

 

_ “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Adrian muttered, rocking back and forth on the floor of the parking lot. “Pathetic. I’m pathetic, all I can do is destroy, I break everything I touch, I’m sorry, I’m sorry-” _

 

\--

 

Elijah heard Adrian slowly quiet down, then say something else. Something in their usual sarcastic tone.

 

“Can you, like, I don’t know, not-” 

 

The rest sounded like gibberish.

 

Elijah opened the door and walked in, seeing Adrian still asleep. He didn’t leave the room this time.

 

There were more words, muttered too quietly to make any sense of. Then, Adrian spoke one sentence, loud and clear:

 

“Take another step and I shoot.”

 

Adrian was shaking. They had curled into a ball, their eyes were squeezed shut, and one of their hands held so tightly onto their other wrist that the knuckles were turning a ghostly white.

 

“I’m sorry,” they said quietly. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Pathetic… I break everything I touch…  _ I’m sorry!” _

 

Elijah put a hand on Adrian’s shoulder, shaking them slightly. “Hey. It’s.. it’s okay. Wake up, it’s just a dream.”

 

Adrian did not wake up. However, they quieted down. They stopped shaking, let go of their wrist, and looked.. relaxed? Almost peaceful.

 

_ Huh. Alright. _

 

\--

 

Adrian finally woke up two hours later.

 

They looked at all the blurry figures around them, able to sort of make out a person amidst the oddly colored blobs. They located a shoulder with their hand, then a head.

 

“How long have you been sitting there?”

 

“Basically the entire time,” Elijah responded nonchalantly.

 

“What do you  _ mean, _ basically the entire time?” Adrian said, confused. Kind of shocked. But, mostly confused.

 

“I mean basically the entire time, fuckwit, that’s what I said,” Elijah said, flicking Adrian in the temple.

 

“Wow, thanks,” Adrian rubbed the side of their head and found their glasses on the desk above them, putting them on.

 

“So, what was I saying?” they asked, genuinely curious as to what Elijah heard.

 

“Well.. At first you were kind of  _ yelling. _ A bit difficult not to hear that. You were telling someone to stop reminding you of something? And then you screamed, ‘I already know,’ and then just really suddenly got quiet,” Elijah explained.

 

_ So that got through. Fun times. Good to know. _

 

“Was that it?”

 

“No, you.. said something else after that. Sounded dumb and sarcastic, like most things you say-”

 

“Watch it.”

 

“- but it got cut off halfway through. You said something about shooting someone if they moved any closer to you, and then started.. shaking and profusely apologizing, talking about how you quote-unquote ‘break everything you touch’. I tried to wake you up and you just suddenly calmed down.”

 

“Okay, that last part definitely did not happen,” Adrian blatantly denied.

 

They knew Elijah had tried to wake them up. They knew it had calmed them down. They disliked that, so they denied it.

 

“Oh, yeah, ‘cause you’re definitely fit to deny that,” Elijah said.

 

“Nope. Don’t remember it, didn’t happen,” Adrian shook their head.

 

“Yes, it did.”

 

“No, it didn’t.”

 

“Yes, it did.”

 

“No, it didn’t.”

 

This went on for a bit before Elijah broke the train of meaningless arguing.

 

“I know what I saw,” he said with a shrug.

 

“And I’m going to deny its existence as long as  _ I  _ still exist,” Adrian responded.

 

“By saying that, you’re kind of admitting that it happened.”

 

“Admitting that what happened?” they asked innocently. 


	5. human eating garbage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this made me cry to write

“Okay, spit it out, what’d you bring me here for?” Adrian asked forcefully, glaring at Michael.

 

Michael shook his head in disappointment, looking around the room he’d told Adrian to meet him in. He knew Adrian would never pass up another opportunity to hurt him.

 

“Don’t you know what a  _ surprise _ is? Besides, I want you to meet my new friend!” he laughed, calling through a door behind him. “What do you say, bud? Want to teach this entitled prick a lesson?”

 

A tall male walked through the door. One that Adrian, sadly, could never seem to stop running into. Even when it was as important as this.

 

“Elijah,” Adrian whispered sadly, taking a step back.

 

“Ah-ah-ah, not thinking about leaving, are we?” Michael grinned. “Where’s the fun in that? Come on, look at your  _ friend.” _

 

Elijah looked at Adrian with nothing but pure disgust on his face. No jokes this time around.

 

Adrian’s face fell. They couldn’t keep their blank expression, they couldn’t just laugh and pretend like they didn’t care. A piece of their wall came crashing down.

 

“Oh, I do just love that expression,” Michael laughed again, looking at Elijah with a pleased expression, then back at Adrian with a small, innocent shrug.

 

Adrian snapped. They held Michael’s face only centimeters away from their own and yelled.

 

“God, are you really  _ so bitter _ that you have to destroy everything a person cares about for something their parents did?! Are you really that pathetic?  _ Are you really that twisted?!” _

 

Elijah tackled Adrian off of Michael, holding a knife against them.

 

“I’m afraid I am, love,” Michael reveled in the sight before him.

 

Adrian looked up at Elijah. “I thought it’d be a couple years before it got to this. Really, you on top of me? Knives? Don’t you have to build up a relationship for that?”

 

_ Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to engage in BDSM without a safe word? _

 

The words Adrian spoke were, unknown to Elijah or Michael, pure desperation. Hopelessly trying to pull the strings that Michael had cut with whatever he said.

 

“Don’t talk to me, you human eating scumbag,” Elijah said quietly, pressing the knife harder against their neck.

 

_ Vampire or human eating garbage? See- they’re just so similar. I get them mixed up. _

 

“Aw, that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me!”

 

_ Okay, one- that’s the most cliche thing you’ve ever said to me… _

 

Elijah stared at Adrian angrily. He almost let go for a second, before remembering what they are-  _ who _ they are. If they had been the ones to kill Adelaide, would they have felt any remorse at all?

 

_ No. _

 

He threw the knife to the side, deciding that his fists were a better plan of action. Punching and punching until his hands went numb, and beyond that.

 

And Adrian  _ laughed. _

 

All the emotional and physical pain built up and Adrian didn’t want to cry, they would  _ not look weak. _ So they did the only other thing they could do. They laughed. They laughed harder and harder with every punch, making Elijah punch harder, which made Adrian laugh more. It was an endless loop, caused by someone who refused, even in what they thought to be their last moments- to let go.

 

Until they did.

 

Eventually, they stopped laughing. They looked up at Elijah as he attacked them with a sad, knowing smile. After all, would Adrian not do the same for Seung? They knew that whatever made Elijah do this had to do with his sister. And they understood.

 

_ Maybe I’ll get to see him again, _ they thought.

 

With that one single thought, their wall crumbled. All 20 years of pain, of murder, of  _ loss, _ came crashing down with it. 

 

Adrian wished an actual wall fell on them. It’d be less painful.

 

They sobbed. Just let go of whatever kept them from doing that in the first place and truly  _ sobbed. _ They knew they looked pathetic. They didn’t care. Adrian couldn’t breathe, they couldn’t think about anything except how much it  _ hurt _ . How much it hurt to have anyone they trusted leave them, how much each and every punch just hurt.  _ It hurts. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts, make it stop, make it stop. _

 

And.. then it stopped.

 

The punching part, at least.

 

Adrian still had the slight predicament of an entire life’s worth of repressed emotions weighing on them like the fucking sky.

 

Elijah looked at Adrian again. He was still angry.  _ Very _ angry. But he stopped. His shoulders, once tense, went slack, and he just moved off to the side, a look on his face that Adrian knew all too well.

 

_ Regret. _

 

For what, Adrian didn’t know.

 

They looked at Michael, who was standing there with a shocked expression. 

 

“There. You did it. Congrats. Happy, now?”

 

“Not really,” Michael  _ tsk _ ed. “I guess, if you want something done, do it yourself.”

 

He swung at Adrian. Adrian caught his hand without even blinking and squeezed, standing.

 

Because one of the emotions, one of the most prominent emotions that had come crashing onto them was  _ anger. _

 

They started punching, kicking, doing anything in their power to hurt Michael.

 

Adrian was angry. Angry that this  _ fuckwit _ had been messing with their life since they were kids. Angry that he had managed to somehow make everyone they ever cared about leave them. Angry that he made their little brother, practically their  _ child, _ turn against them and then  _ killed him. _ Angry that no matter what Michael had done, no matter who Michael killed, Adrian had not given him the same fate.

 

They held a badly bruised Michael against the ground, Elijah’s forgotten knife pressed against his chest. About to  _ finally  _ do it, to kill the man who had caused him so much  _ pain- _

 

And then they looked over at the knife’s owner. Still looking at nothing. Filled with  _ regret. _

 

They let go of Michael and the knife. 

 

“Go. Just leave,” Adrian points out the door.

 

Michael  _ laughed. _ “What, are you going soft now? Aww.”

 

Adrian forcefully pulled Michael up by the front of his shirt, causing the human to flinch.

 

And they smiled. “Yeah. Yeah, I think I am.”

 

They let go of Michael, pointing out the door and yelling so loudly that the room practically shook.

 

“ _ GO.” _

 

Michael escaped through the door Elijah had entered from. Adrian started for the other door, but stopped, looking at Elijah.

 

“Just go,” he said angrily. 

 

Adrian walked through the door, saying one word before it closed. 

 

“Sorry.”

 

\--

 

_ Two weeks later. _

 

Adrian kept feeling drawn to the bar. They didn’t know why. Maybe they wanted to know Elijah was safe? Maybe they just  _ really _ needed a drink. Hey, they’d held out this long.

 

Either way, they went, immediately going to the lower level, not even knowing if anyone would be there. 

 

But.. Elijah stood there, cleaning glasses. He didn’t notice Adrian come in until they walked straight up to him.

 

“What can I get you?” he asked instinctively, before looking up and seeing Adrian. He looked shocked. Less angry now, just.. surprised.

 

“Something strong,” Adrian said tiredly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi i rlly hope u caught all those nice lil references to things eli n adri have said to each other in the past @ tilly  
> esp the one at the end it made me s o v


	6. surprise bitc h

surprise this isn’t an actual story it is a song yes i wrote a literal song for this nerd. its sad. its for seung. im not sorry

its also gonna be in all lowercase because im emo and lazy

 

 

_ every time i close my eyes _

_ i see my love and shining skies _

_ a dream thats kept a live by lies _

_ i know, but i can’t seem to realize _

_ what we had is dead and gone _

_ i really just need to move on _

_ but everything just feels so wrong _

 

_ though i climbed too high, and fell too hard _

_ you were there to catch me _

_ all the walls i built around my heart _

_ could never have prepared me _

_ for losing you, and losing me _

_ and losing everything between _

_ losing you, losing me _

_ losing everything i need _

 

_ i hope you know how much i miss _

_ the way it felt when we would kiss _

_ stuck in our own ignorant bliss, _

_ i know, i know, i need to keep this _

_ from getting in my head and then _

_ screwing with my mind again _

_ i really just cant seem to win _

 

_ though i climbed too high, and fell too hard _

_ you were there to catch me _

_ all the walls i built around my heart _

_ could never have prepared me _

_ for losing you, and losing me _

_ and losing everything between _

_ losing you, losing me _

_ losing everything i need _

 

_ ever since you went away _

_ i haven’t really been the same, _

_ it seems i may have lost my way _

_ but i’ll lie, and lie, and say i’m okay _

 

_ [cue the long dramatic pause] _

 

_ yeah, i climbed too high, i fell too hard _

_ and no one came to catch me _

_ all those walls i’d build around my heart _

_ would never have prepared me _

_ for losing you, losing me, _

_ losing everything between _

_ losing you, losing me,  _

_ losing everything i need. _

 

well ain’t that just one big rhyming cliche there you go 


	7. sehun and seung

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had to research stuff about the hufflepuff common room for this yw

Adrian really had no idea where their cat, Sehun, would go off to on his little adventures while they went to their classes. Of course, they knew where he was when he’d saunter into Adrian’s classes. _While the professor was talking._

 

The first time it had happened, in their first year, Professor Longbottom made Adrian take him back to the Ravenclaw dormitories. After a few dozen more times and about five years, every teacher in the school had an unspoken agreement that if they ever had Adrian in one of their classes, they’d let them keep the cat with them. Bad things happened otherwise. Headmistress McGonagall _still_ has the scars.

 

Little did Adrian know, when Sehun wasn’t rudely interrupting their lessons, he was seeking attention from wandering students in the halls.

 

One of these students was a fifth year by the name of Elijah Hastings. Gryffindor, Quidditch team beater, and apparently Sehun’s next target.

 

Elijah ended up getting attached to this strange cat without even knowing who it belonged to. That is, until one day when Sehun was wandering the halls and Adrian picked him up. Elijah had never met Adrian, but everyone knew them as the school smartass anyway, so it didn’t really matter.

 

“Sehun. There you are, you little shit,” Adrian said in an uncharacteristically caring way. “I’ve been looking all over for you. It’s almost curfew, c’mon.”

 

They put the cat down and started walking away. Sehun followed.

 

One night, during a free period before dinner, Elijah felt the need to contact this cat more. So, he went up to the Ravenclaw common room and looked at the eagle knocker expectantly.

 

Eventually, it spoke.

 

_“I’m light as a feather, but the strongest of humans cannot hold me for more than a minute. What am I?”_

 

He pondered this. “What the hell?” he muttered under his breath.

 

A few minutes went by.

 

Another few minutes.

 

Someone yelled “Breath!” directly in his ear, which, in turn, opened the door.

 

Elijah turned to see Adrian.

 

“Wow, thanks,” he said sarcastically.

 

“No problem,” Adrian said, walking around Elijah and standing in/blocking the entrance to the common room. “So, why’re you trying to get into the common room?”

 

Elijah shrugged.

 

“Nah, bullshit. No one’s weird enough to sit outside here for ten minutes for no reason. So, tell me, kid,” they say matter-of-factly.

 

“There’s this cat who I think belongs to you,” Elijah starts.

 

“Yeah, what about him?” Adrian raises an eyebrow.

 

“I want to talk with him.”

 

“You want to what now?”

 

“Talk with him.”

 

“So, you mean to tell me,” Adrian says. “That you tried to break into the Ravenclaw common room to see my cat.”

 

“Yeah, basically,” Elijah says with another shrug.

 

Adrian sighs, walking into the common room and keeping the door open. “Come in, then, I guess.”

 

They knew this kid. As a first year, he had made a name for himself by hexing anyone he thought was being a prick. Adrian would rather not start trouble with him.

 

Elijah didn’t really think that would’ve worked. He stepped in, surprised. Seeing Sehun, he went over to him and sat down in front of him, starting up a conversation. He took Sehun’s occasional _meows_ as answers.

 

Adrian went about tidying up the common room, which was a usual sight for those who stayed there. At first, people ridiculed them for it (“Won’t the house elves just do it for you?”). But, realizing how stubborn they were, the Ravenclaws just eventually let it happen.

 

At some point, Adrian walked by Elijah and Sehun, holding a stack of loose bits of parchment when they overheard some of their conversation.

 

“Dude, half these people are doing schoolwork and they don’t even have textbooks?” Elijah seems confused.

 

“That half has their textbooks memorized,” Adrian says as they walk past.

 

“I doubt that. I don’t care who you are, no one has the energy to memorize _History of Magic.”_

 

Adrian looks Elijah dead in the eyes and says, “I have had the entirety of _Hogwarts: A History_ running through my head since 4 AM, three days ago.”

 

Another student looked up from his book to say, “They’ve been reciting chapter five in their sleep for two of those three days.”

 

“Thank you for that detail, Kai,” Adrian says sarcastically.

 

Elijah stands. “You guys are weird. C’mon, we’re going,” he gestures to Sehun, who begins to follow him out.

 

“If he’s not back by midnight, I’ll cut off your toes,” Adrian threatens.

 

“They’re not kidding,” Kai says.

 

Elijah shrugs, stopping. “If he wants to come back, he will. I’ve got no control over that.”

 

Adrian sighs tiredly. “Fine. But if he gets hurt I’m changing that threat to cutting off your arms. Good luck staying on a broom armless, Quidditch boy.”

 

“Always nice to meet a fan,” he says jokingly. “I’m sure he can defend himself if something happens.”

 

Adrian gives him a death glare.

 

“Fine,” Elijah says, continuing to walk out. Sehun follows, and the common room door closes.

 

“I just let a complete stranger walk out of here with my cat,” they mutter under their breath, going up to the dorms to pace back and forth between beds.

 

\--

 

It was close to midnight, and there was no sign of Sehun. Adrian began to grow restless. Quite literally, since they couldn’t sleep without Sehun with them.

 

Giving up their fruitless plan of just sitting in the common room all night, they began to walk towards the door.

 

Another Ravenclaw looked at them weirdly. “Going to see your new boyfriend? You’ll get in trouble for that.”

 

“One, no, two, no I won’t,” they say, opening the door and starting to walk out. “And he’s not my boyfriend,” they hiss through the crack in the door.

 

The girl laughed.

 

\--

 

Adrian snuck through the halls, avoiding the prefects who were patrolling that night. Getting to the Hufflepuff common room entrance, they sigh, relieved. They were very glad at this point in time that the Hufflepuff password never changes. Go to the barrels. Find the barrel two from the bottom and in the middle of the second row, then tap in the rhythm of “Helga Hufflepuff.”

 

The door opened, and Adrian entered. A girl greeted them with a bright smile.

 

“Seung’s in the dorms,” she informed Adrian.

 

Adrian thanked her and went up to the boy’s dorms, finding Seung’s bed and gently shaking him awake.

 

“Five more minutes, Ma,” he muttered, clutching his blankets closer to him.

 

Adrian laughed quietly. “It’s me, dork,” they whispered.

 

Seung opened his eyes slowly, smiling when he saw Adrian. He yawned. “What’re you doing here?”

 

“Needed to talk,” they shrugged.

 

Seung nodded, getting out of bed and pulling Adrian down to the common room. The girl had evidently left the common room by now, leaving it empty aside from the two.

 

“So, what’s up?” Seung asked, sitting down on a chair.

 

Adrian sat in a chair next to Seung’s. “Some dude _left the common room_ with Sehun,” they said exasperatedly.

 

“Did you let him?” Seung asked, tilting his head.

 

“Well- yeah, but-”

 

“You think something will happen to Sehun, right?” he asked.

 

Adrian both liked and hated how Seung knew exactly what they were thinking.

 

They nodded. “I don’t even know this kid’s _name,_ how can I trust him with _Sehun?”_

 

“Put faith in him, Sehun will be alright, Adri,” Seung smiled, putting one of his hands over Adrian’s.

 

“He’s just such a fucking smartass and he seems like he’s never even looked at a cat before, what if Sehun ends up hurt-”

 

_“Adri.”_

 

They quieted down, taking a deep breath. “Sorry.”

 

“You seem very passionate about this guy you just met,” Seung says with a small laugh. “Who is he?”

 

“I’m passionate about him not hurting my cat. And I don’t know. He’s on the Gryffindor quidditch team, that’s all I know.”

 

“Is it Ray?” Seung asks.

 

Adrian pictures Ray. “No, not Ray.”

 

“Daniel?”

 

They shake their head.

 

“Charlie?”

 

Another no.

 

“So it’s the beater. Elijah, right?” Seung says.

 

“I think so,” Adrian shrugs.

 

“That one guy who hexed whoever he felt like in his first year. Is that why you’re worried?”

 

“Partially?” Adrian said slowly.

 

“That was a few incidences, four years ago. Don’t worry too much, Riri,” Seung said, squeezing Adrian’s hand slightly.

 

“That’s easier said than done,” Adrian countered quietly.

 

“Everything’s easier said than done,” Seung pointed out.

 

“I guess,” they shrug. “I should probably go back now, huh?”

 

“Only if you want to.”

 

Adrian nodded and stood. “I’ve gotta at least hope Quidditch boy has some decency, right?”

 

“Right,” Seung smiled, standing with Adrian and hugging them tightly. “Sleep well.”

 

“Thanks, _mom,”_ Adrian laughs, hugging him back.

 

Seung laughs with them, pushing them gently as he pulls away. “I’m the best mom.”

 

“True.”

 

“Good night,” he smiled, going back up the stairs to the dorms.

 

“Night,” Adrian said quietly, exiting the common room and sneaking back to the Ravenclaw dorms.

 

When they got there, Sehun was curled up on a chair in the common room, a small bit of paper of the table next to it. They picked up the paper, reading the slightly messy handwriting.

 

_He’s uninjured. You’re welcome._

_\- “Quidditch Boy”_


	8. more hogwarts crap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lots of nice things
> 
> cameos made by mcgonagall and harry as a teacher bc yall cant tell me he wouldnt be smh.

_ Before Hogwarts _

 

Marian Lee knelt in front of a young Adrian (who was, at the time, thought to be called “Rian”) with a slight grunt. 

 

“My knees sure aren’t what they used to be,” she said in a strained voice.

 

Adrian tilted their head. “What did they used to be?” they asked.

 

“Well, much better, that’s for sure,” Marian said with a laugh. “But, that’s not I wanted to talk with you about.”

 

“What’d you wanna talk about, then?” Adrian’s head remained tilted.

 

“Well, you’re going to that new school in the fall, yes?”   
  


Adrian nodded.

 

“I have a present for you. Something you can take to Hogwarts with you,” Marian smiled kindly.

 

Adrian smiled back, rocking on the heels of their feet. “What is it?” They asked excitedly.

 

“Patience, Riri. You will see,” she laughed again.

 

Marian whistled a little tune, and the noise of paws on hardwood floor could be heard, growing louder. A small ginger cat, probably no more than a year old, made its way over to Marian, who gently pet the cat’s head.

 

“This is Sehun. He’s yours now.”

 

And just like that, Adrian now had a cat. One thing was still confusing, though.

 

“What did you whistle to make him come to you?” they inquired.

 

“The beginning of  _ When I’m 64 _ by the Beatles. I suggest you listen to that song more. I’ve trained him so that if you whistle it when he’s near, he’ll come to you.”

 

Adrian gasped. “That’s so cool!”

 

“Indeed it is, Rian.”

 

“Oh yeah. About that,” Adrian said, reaching their hand out to familiarize themselves with Sehun. “Uh.. Do you think you could call me Adrian instead?”

 

Marian looked surprised for a second before smiling. “If that’s what you’re comfortable with, then I have no reason not to. Nice to meet you, Adrian.”

 

“Nice to meet you too, Marian,” Adrian said jokingly.

 

“Didn’t anyone teach you respect?” Marian laughed, doing a poor imitation of Adrian’s mother.

 

Adrian laughed too, leaning forward to hug Marian tightly. 

 

“Thanks, Grandma.”

 

\---

 

_ On the Hogwarts Express _

 

Adrian sat in a compartment, waiting excitedly for the trolley to come along. Alone, but not really, of course, since Sehun was sat next to them. Another boy tapped on the glass door lightly, a sheepish smile on his face. 

 

Adrian opened the door. “Hi,” they said shortly, wondering what he was doing there.

 

“Hi,” the boy responded with a smile. “Can I sit here? All the other compartments are too full.”

 

“Oh, uh, yeah! Of course!” Adrian said, stepping aside so the boy could step in.

 

“I’m Seung. What’s your name?” he asked, holding out his hand.

 

“Adrian,” they answered, shaking Seung’s hand. 

 

“So, how’d  _ you _ find out you were a wizard, Adrian?”

 

Adrian looked confused. “I always knew. Mother always said I had to be, ‘cause her and my dad are both magic.”

 

“Really? Awesome!” Seung said, a shine in his eyes. “My mom thought it was a prank when I got my letter.”

 

“So you’re Muggleborn, yeah?” 

 

Seung nodded. “Is that a bad thing? Some sixth year called me a.. what was it? Mud something? He said it like it was bad.”

 

_ Mudblood? People still use that?  _ Adrian thought.

 

“No, it’s not a bad thing,” Adrian shook their head. “That sixth year’s a shithead for calling you that, though.”

 

Seung put a hand over Adrian’s mouth. “No swear words.”

 

Adrian pulled Seung’s hand away, laughing slightly. “Alright,  _ mom.” _

 

“I’d make the best mom,” Seung said matter-of-factly.

 

\---

 

_ The Sorting Ceremony _

 

“Carter, Katrina!”

 

A dark skinned girl with bright white, curly hair rushed up to the Sorting Hat excitedly. The Hat thought before shouting, “HUFFLEPUFF!”

 

Seung turned to Adrian. “Hey, even if we’re not in the same house, can we still be friends?”

 

Adrian looked at him.  _ Friends? _ They’d always been very sheltered as a child. Does Ren count as a friend? 

 

“Uh, sure,” they said despite their confused thoughts, nodding.

 

“Caywood, Kirsten!”

 

A short haired girl went up to the Sorting Hat. It immediately sorted her into Ravenclaw.

 

“Chai, Seung!”

 

“Good luck,” Adrian whispered as Seung made his way through the sea of first years. The hat didn’t even have to touch his head before it yelled, “HUFFLEPUFF!”

 

Eventually, after about a bajillion names, Adrian was called.

 

“Salivio, Adrian!”

 

_ How do they know?? I only told grandma, _ they thought. Nevertheless, they went up to the Sorting Hat and sat down on the stool. Professor McGonagall placed the hat over their head.

 

_ “Hm.. You’re a difficult one,” _ the Hat spoke.  _ “Lots of potential in such a tiny wizard. You could very well be a Slytherin..” _

 

_ No shit, my entire family’s from Slytherin, _ Adrian thought dejectedly.

 

_ “No, no, Slytherin’s not where you belong. I say.. RAVENCLAW!” _

 

Adrian grinned, pulling off the hat and rushing to the Ravenclaw table.

 

\---

 

_ Fifth year. Defense Against the Dark Arts. _

 

Professor Potter stood at the front of a large, empty room. Well, empty aside from the students, but you get the idea.

 

“Today, we work on casting a Patronus. I trust you’ve all been paying attention to what I’ve told you so far.”

 

A boy coughed. He obviously had not been.

 

Potter ignored that. “Repeat after me:  _ Expecto Patronum!” _

 

_ “Expecto Patronum!” _

 

“Louder!  _ Expecto Patronum!” _

 

The class yelled louder.  _ “Expecto Patronum!” _

 

“Come on,  _ louder! Expecto Patronum!” _

 

_ “EXPECTO PATRONUM!” _

 

The room practically shook.

 

“Good!” Potter said, satisfied. “Now, I don’t expect you guys to be able to cast a full Patronus right away. It is not an easy thing to do. With luck, most of you will get maybe some sort of shield. Wands out.”

 

The class pulled their wands out in sync.

 

“Remember: Think happy thoughts. The happiest you’ve ever been. Channel it into your wand. Time starts… Now.”

 

Right and left, students were already yelling the incantation. Adrian closed their eyes.  _ Think happy thoughts. _

 

Lots of thoughts passed through their head. Their joy when they realized that they wouldn’t be sorted into Slytherin. The strange, happy feeling of gaining a friend in Seung. The way Sehun would run over to them at even the first note of  _ When I’m 64. _

 

They finally settled on one thought. The day they got Sehun. That was probably the happiest they’d ever been. Not just because of the cat, of course. 

 

_ “Expecto Patronum.” _

 

A light silver wisp shot out of their wand, forming a small, whirlpool-esque shape. Barely two feet across, but still there. It illuminated everything around them.

 

“Oh, cool,” Adrian said casually. The light disappeared.

 

“‘Oh, cool’? That’s awesome!” A boy next to them said in awe.

 

A few tries later, they managed the shield again, bigger this time. Right at the end of the lesson, before Potter was about to tell them to wrap it up, a great white shark emerged from the tip of their wand, swimming quickly around the room before it disappeared.

 

Adrian stared at the spot where it had disappeared.

 

“Holy shit,” they muttered.

 

“Holy shit, indeed, Adrian,” Potter said gladly. “Good job.”


	9. why adrian doesn't fucking TOUCH pills

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: ACCIDENTAL OVERDOSE, THROWING UP, MENTION OF BLOOD

Adrian had always had sleeping problems. That was a fact. They hadn’t exactly been on meds for their insomnia(“They’ll mess up your mind!” Adrian’s mother had exclaimed), but they’d always kept a bottle of Ambien(Zolpidem) hidden in their nightstand drawer, just in case. Now, they lived alone, but their mother’s superstition had apparently stuck with them, since they still only took the sedative every few months or so.

 

The first week of living in their new home was one of those times. And, unfortunately, it did not end well.

 

* * *

It was 2 AM, and Adrian was as wide awake as if it were 12 PM. This was no surprise to them, however, since sudden change and new houses often did this. It was the  _ why _ of where they were, more than the  _ where,  _ if that makes any sense at all. Living in your dead boyfriend’s house might cause a bit of unwanted feelings.  _ Very _ unwanted feelings.

 

They pulled the bottle out of their drawer, flinching at the sudden noise that had cut through the dead silence. Taking one pill, they returned the bottle to its place and closed the drawer, lying down to wait for the sedative to kick in.

 

Fifteen minutes passes. Thirty minutes. Forty-five.

 

Adrian groaned, taking out the bottle again and checking the dosage. Deciding it would be safe to take another, they did just that, and attempted slumber again.

 

Fifteen more minutes. The only thing that seemed to be happening was an obnoxious slowing of time, which made their situation even worse.

 

“Can’t I just fucking  _ sleep,” _ they asked, their voice raspy. Flipping onto their stomach, they smacked their head on their pillow a few times, as if that would do anything. 

 

It was now 3 AM. 

 

They heard the creaking of floorboards in the house. Their mother’s voice chimed into their head.  _ It’s just the house settling, RiRi. _

 

“Shut up, Mom,” said Adrian, their voice muffled by their pillow.

 

They took another pill, thinking  _ fuck it, it’s just 5 mg above the dosage. It isn’t gonna do shit. _

 

Half an hour creeped away.

 

3:30 AM.

 

They stood, losing their balance momentarily before straightening up and stretched out their back, listening to the  _ crack _ as they did so. Walk across the room. Walk back. Across the room. Back. They paced for a while, glancing at the clock after about 30 repetitions of that same action.

 

3:35 AM.

 

“Okay, what the  _ fuck.”  _ They flipped off their alarm clock.

 

50 repetitions.

 

3:41 AM.

 

Adrian groaned, falling to the floor. The carpeting softened the sound of their fall, making it a dull  _ thud _ . For a moment, they could’ve  _ sworn _ they heard someone yell something about ‘keeping it quiet up there,’ but they shrugged it off as their late-night brain just hallucinating noises.

 

Twenty minutes passed.

 

4:01 AM.

 

“I just want to sleep. Is that too much to ask?” they asked no one in  particular, staring at their ceiling. “This was funny two hours ago. Not anymore. Not funny anymore. It’s 4 AM, you cunt.  _ Let me sleep.” _

 

Whoever they were talking to did not answer.

 

Thirty minutes passed. 

 

4:35 AM.

 

Adrian was standing now, staring at the blank wall of their new bedroom. Anger bubbled in their stomach, and in a wonderful display of self-control, they punched the wall over and over again. A dull pain burned in their hand, and there was blood on the dent in the wall, but they couldn’t care less.

 

_ “Let me sleep!” _ They yelled into the emptiness. “This still isn’t funny! It’s getting much less funny, in fact! Not a joke anymore. This is not a  _ fucking _ joke. Just let me go the  _ fuck _ to sleep, dude.”

 

They stormed into the bathroom, flipping open the cupboard and grabbing some of the more strong sleeping medicine they had for emergencies. Without thinking, they unscrewed the cap and poured about twenty of the tiny pills into their hand, swallowing all of them. They returned to their bed and flopped face first onto it. Five minutes later, they realized their mistake.

 

“Fuck,” they whispered. “Fuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck  _ fuck-” _

 

A sudden bought of nausea interrupted them. They grabbed their cell phone and rushed back into their bathroom, flipping open the toilet lid just in time for everything they’d eaten in the last ten hours(which wasn’t much) to come back up. 

 

“That was pleasant,” they groaned, still leaning over the porcelain bowl. 

 

Adrian blindly felt around the counter for their phone, thanked the Lord that they had a fingerprint passcode, and dialed 911, because that was the only number that came to their mind.. 

 

_ “Nine one one operator. What is your emergency?” _

 

“Accidentally overdosed. Sleeping pills. Not fun,” they said.

 

_ “Where are you?” _

 

They had known the address by heart for years, yet they almost struggled to get the words out. Still, they told the operator their address.

 

_ “What is your name?” _

 

“Adrian. Salivio.”

 

_ “How old are you?” _

 

“Nineteen.”

 

_ “Help is on the way. Try to stay on the line.” _

 

“Cool,” they said quietly, flinching as the dry heaving began, since their stomach didn’t really have much in it to begin with.

 

Ten minutes later, they heard their door slam open and footsteps run up the stairs and into the bathroom, since it was the only room with a light on, most likely. 

 

“Hey there,” they said smartly.

 

* * *

Getting your stomach pumped is  _ not _ a good experience. That would definitely teach Adrian not to make any rash medicine-related decisions ever again. After that whole process, a nurse came in and asked if she needed to contact any of their family. Adrian pondered this.

 

“My grandmother. Marian. Lee,” they said, barely able to get out those four words.

 

“Are you sure? Your parents-”

 

“Don’t need to know. Please.”

 

The nurse nodded and left the room.

 

An hour later, they heard a knock at their door and the  _ click _ of it opening. Ther grandmother walked in, holding their cat under her arm.

 

“Thought animals weren’t allowed?” they asked.

 

“I managed to convince them,” Marian grinned, gently placing Sehun in the same bed as Adrian. “You know that was a really-”

 

“Stupid thing to do. Yeah, grandma. I know.”

 

“Good. Does your mother know about this?” she questioned.

 

Adrian shook their head. “I’d rather she didn’t.”

 

“Understandable. She can be very hot-headed and impulsive at times. Like  _ other _ people I know,” Marian glared pointedly at her grandchild.

 

“Wonder where she got it from,” Adrian smiled weakly.

 

“If you weren’t hospitalized, I’d smack you.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

* * *

When they finally got to go home, they were almost ecstatic. The plainness of the hospital made them want to scratch their eyes out.

 

On the desk in their room, they found a King-sized dark Hershey’s bar with a small sticky note on it, and a bag of ground black coffee beans. The note read: ___MORNINGS ONLY. NO NIGHT COFFEE FOR YOU_. They assumed Marian had left it there.

 

They failed to remember that Marian refused to buy them dark chocolate(“Milk chocolate is just  _ better. _ And cheaper.”). They also, for once, failed to remember the boy who had bought him that exact brand of coffee for two whole years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes its seung seung is the boy ok it was cheesy but im just imagining seung learning how to interact with things and become visible just for this specific purpose like "fuck they did something stupid AGAIN better buy them some coffee and make a passive aggressive note"


	10. not as think as you drunk i am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yes that chapter name is ironic fuck you
> 
> basically some bullshit where adri might just be in too deep. it gets kinda emo but then goes straight back into gay like .0005 seconds later

_ 3:08 AM, September 16th, 2017 _

 

**adri:** i’m dying, sese.

        d y i n g .

        goodbye adrian hello eternal darkness

 

**seung:** woah why what happened??

 

**adri:** so many things. so many

 

**seung:** specifically?

 

**adri:** how can people have the a u d a city to be good looking.

 

**seung:** oh i see where this is going, continue

 

**adri:** like??? okok i just got back from the bar and woAH i PAID for my own drinks this time 

       finaally but. like. jnjfnrj help

 

**seung:** adri,,,,,,,

            do i want to know how much you drank?

 

**adri:** probably n ot. 

        but like. fuck, man. i am dead. dying. gone. im done for. nothing can revive me now.

 

**seung:** is that so?

 

**adri:** it is VERY so

       how does the universe get to throw me in the path of some hot guy and then expect

       good things to come out of it

       who do they think i am??? fuckin,,,, someone who can actually hold a conversation????

       fuck the universe, man. im so done

 

**seung:** let me just confirm: you’re talking about elijah, right

 

**adri:** wh o e l s   e`

       i don’t go around meeting hot people wherever i go this is a new thing

 

**seung:** should i be offended

 

**adri:** no ur more cute than hot but like in a good way yknow?

 

**seung:** i’ll take it.

 

**adri:** but like. fuckck im not ok 

       u know me i don’t understand most things having to do with an y sort of emotion

 

**seung:** that’s an understatement.

 

**adri:** and now im jus t so. 

       how do i explain it

       i am the physical embodiment of (*ฅ́˘ฅ̀*) .｡.:*♡ all the time it’s the worst

       i cant deal with this, 

 

**seung:** you’re a mess, you know this, right?

 

**adri:** i k now t his it is the whole premise of thsi conv e rsation

 

**seung:** so, why do u think you’re “the physical embodiment of (*ฅ́˘ฅ̀*) .｡.:*♡”

 

**adri:** it’s so stupid i donttn fucking k n ow its just.

       im such a pining me ss around him and its horrible i know he notices it too and its so 

       fuckgginh horrible i hate it i hate him i hate everything this is the fuckingn worst

 

**seung:** elaborate

 

**adri:** i laugh too much and i keep doing that thing,,,, 

       you know the thing where like, you would do smth cute and i’d just blurt out “stop that” bc

       what else am i supposed to do?????

 

**seung:** im very well aware of the thing

 

**adri:** and he keeps smiling and laughing and doing generally cute things i dont know if i can 

        take it its horrible i hate it i hate it

**seung:** im sure you do

 

**adri:** he touched my shoulder at some point and i did thatt s tupid thing i do you know the 

        stupid thing bc im me and can’t handle basic human physical contact haha i love

        myself im so great at being so obviously flawed

        idk man i just kinda wanna,,, idk. idk what i wanna do. at all i dont kn ow

 

**seung:** well first you want to calm down.

 

**adri:** i c c ant i am on at least ten shots of,,,,,,, something i dont remember and like two entire 

        red bulls????? i dont know it could’ve been three

 

**seung:** and there it is, you’re banned from red bull, it is 3 am when did you drink them

 

**adri:** all within the span of an hour, like,,,,,,,, thirty minutes ago

 

**seung:** im saying it again: you’re a mess.

 

**adri:** i agree

        I Made a Complete Fool of Myself??? (NOT CLICKBAIT)

        im so dead. im done with life im done im done no one should have that right to make me 

        have feelings nope not allowed too much to deal with too much i cant do it no not 

        today sorry my mom said no

 

**seung:** your mom doesnt know elijah

 

**adri:** my mom said no sorry i cant deal ith feelings today not when they’re from him i cant do it

 

**seung:** maybe tomorrow?

 

**adri:** hE’LL BE THE SAME TOMORROW

        with his stupid hair and stupid eyes and stupid arms and laugh and smile and general

        insufferableness i hate it i hate it

        is that even a word idk probably not i dont care it is now

        someone call uh,,,, a dictionary company that i forgot the name of. that. tell them i made

        a new fuckin word probably not

 

**seung:** are you ok a y

 

**adri:** n o i am nno t okay i am not everythings fucked im dead im dying 

        sorry straight adrian cant come to the phone right now theyre dead

        ye ah they were killed by a hot guy because they can’t handle attractive people

        haha jk i look in the mirror every day

 

**seung:** you literally flip off your reflection every morning

 

**adri:** yeah cause thats pre makeup sese 

        but like wit h makeup damn

        u know the drill. i am never ugly, lemme tell you t hat. never. i am always pretty. fuck

        you, bedhead, acne, other things im too lazy to remember. im  pretty.

 

**seung:** that’s the spirit

 

**adri:** im too pretty to put up with this b ullshit. i think i got fuckin cursed or some sshit. 

 

**seung:** how so

 

**adri:** so like u know that rlly old meme where it was like,,, god pouring cups filled with traits

        and then he pours too much of something when he meant to put like a drop

        thats what happened with me. except with a figuratively weak heart and flaws that 

        would never lmake any guy love me, ever? yknow? the bes t traits to have i lvoe it sm

        ew haha that sounded so emo

 

**seung:** again, should i be offended? ily, you cretin

 

**adri:** ilyt, nerd. u know what i mean

 

**seung:** yeah, i do. go to sleep, adri.

 

**adri:** ugh. i’ll try.


End file.
